It is what it is.

katara:

even the essays i write sound sarcastic 

(via shylocknotsherlock)

Notes
222605
Posted
7 hours ago

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad:Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad:Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad:Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad:Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad:Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad:Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad:I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad:Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad:Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad:Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad:It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad:Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad:*puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad:My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad:Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad:Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad:I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad:Fuck the government.
Dad:Fuck the school board.
Dad:Close the door.
Dad:Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad:I love puns.
Dad:People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad:Please shut up.
Dad:Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad:I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad:I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad:You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad:Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad:I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad:If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad:They act like I care what they think.
Dad:I hate homework.
Dad:I have decided to become a politician.
Dad:What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
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113094
Posted
7 hours ago

amysfall:

we need a universal hand signal for “my parents don’t know about that”

(via teddygraham-galore)

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592063
Posted
7 hours ago
me rewatching season one of any show:I CAN'T DO THIS LOOK AT THEM THEY'RE JUST BABIES
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144241
Posted
7 hours ago

unclefather:

we take for granted all the times our nose isn’t stuffy

(via what-a-catch-missjackson)

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123667
Posted
8 hours ago
me:this show is so fucked up
me:*continues watching*
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15272
Posted
8 hours ago

joydick:

asking whats for dinner is scary because it could make or break your night

(via zackisontumblr)

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96724
Posted
8 hours ago

punkmoss:

i feel like mary lambert just saved my entire day by putting out this music video

(via cryinoverdylanobrien)

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47610
Posted
9 hours ago

fedorabow:

Baljeet: Boo! Boo, I say!
Phineas: Baljeet?
Baljeet: Oh, I am not Baljeet. I am the scariest thing known to man: a failed math test.
Phineas: Yeah, right. We’re just gonna move on now.
Baljeet: You can run, but it won’t be to the college of your choice, I tell you!

I used to think that this was an exaggeration

I was wrong

(via hi)

Notes
64317
Posted
9 hours ago

corsolareef:

"begin your essay with an interesting fact or quote"
image
im gonna fucking ACE this essay

(via piggywidgeon)

Notes
195933
Posted
9 hours ago
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